When you are so close but also so far away

Have you ever felt shocked when you discovered a family member, friend, or colleague that you felt you knew so well was actually struggling with their mental health?

In a world driven by social media and digital connection, people have never felt so alone as they do now. There is almost this understated notion- governed by schools, workplaces, and people in general- that you should be careful with what you post on social media. And there is an air of perfection surrounding this. That you must be careful to reveal your true feelings or showcase yourself in a way that might disappoint others. Things have to be looked at through an instagram worthy filter or a pinterest ready way in order to gain traction. But real life is neither of these things.

And while being politically correct has it is place, for many people this is interpreted as you shouldn't show your feelings at all. This is especially true for males who are taught from a young age that they need to be strong, keep it together, and that showing any emotion is frowned upon and looked at as some sort of weakness. This couldn't be farther from the truth.

True emotional regulation is the recognition of having emotions, being able to identify what these emotions are, and being able to effectively navigate them. It is not the abstinence of emotions. Being emotionally regulated does not mean you never cry or talk about your feelings. It means that you are emotionally aware, can label and identify your feelings, and be able to manage your moods and emotions in doing so.

It has become apparent in my years of practice as a coach that most people need a good friend more than a therapist or even a coach. That much of the mental health crisis that we have here in this country stems from the lack of true community, friendship and support system that is needed. Currently, there is a heavy reliance on AI to dictate what is and what is not appropriate. People are using AI now more to explore topics and ask about social norms, instead of connecting with others. I am guilty of it myself from time to time. For one, AI seems to be more objective but also positive. Something you may not get when talking to a family member or friend that may impose criticism. The draw is alluring, but what AI doesn't have is the ability to really understand the complexities of the human experience. The intricacies of wanting to be loved, accepted, and feeling worthy through social acceptance.

Friendship is at the heart of the human experience. People need other people to fulfill a human need to socialize. This is not something AI can ever take away from us. Don't just ask others to be a good friend to you. Ask this of yourself. Be a good friend to others. Show up for others. Care for others. Be someone that people can rely on. And let your light shine.

More than anything, people are craving connection and validation. The people that are most important in your life( your spouse, your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends)- those are the people that you have the most influence over. Don't take a passive role in your regard with others. Be open with them about your struggles and give them a safe space to be open with you. This is the best gift you can give another person. No one is perfect, and we don't need to pretend to be perfect with each other.

We can just be our real, authentic, emotional selves, and that is okay.

I was reminded today by a good friend that you don't need to see the impact of your good deeds today. That the impact of your good deeds can shape generations to come. Just focus on doing the good deeds. The rest will come naturally.

It should be noted that the world can be a harsh place. We are all busy, stressed out, on pins and needles, and in survival mode. There is so much uncertainty. Despite this, if there is one thing that going through Covid taught us, it is that we are all together. We are not alone. And we just need to be kind to each other when we are struggling. Take the judgment away and seek to understand. Take the criticism and negativity away and replace it with curiosity, interest and care. So many of us are surrounded by images of people we know and love- that put on a smile each day and act like nothing is bothering them, that show up as positive, happy people- but deep down are starving for warmth, connection and acceptance. We would never know this until we actually gave them the space to feel comfortable being in their own emotions. Emotions are not something to be feared. We all have them, and they are valid no matter if someone agrees with you or not. It is what we do with our emotions that makes the difference.

As we reflect on how far we have come as a nation, I urge all of my friends, family and followers to take the lead on becoming a good friend, loving your neighbor despite their differences, becoming more curious, and more caring. And if you know a sensitive person, who feels the world more deeply than you may, show them grace, empathy and compassion.  Remind them that they are loved and appreciated and that there is truly nothing wrong with being sensitive. It is a gift that not everyone has. And it is worthy of appreciation. I wish you many blessings and friendship.