Wired for Chaos: Learning to slow down and be present

By Lyubov Abrams

I used to think being busy meant I was fully alive.

I remember being a freshman in college, taking a full load of classes, commuting back and forth to downtown Atlanta, working an internship, and a weekend job. I was constantly moving, constantly doing. And I loved it. It felt like life was happening because I was always in motion.

Then I had kids.

And that kind of busy? It hit differently. It was overwhelming, exciting, and terrifying all at once. Like a roller coaster—you don’t know what’s coming next, and you’re just holding your breath, hoping you make it through. But then you do. And sometimes, if you’re honest, you realize you liked the rush.

That’s the tricky part.

Because over time, you get conditioned to that pace. To the chaos. To the feeling of always being needed, always solving something, always moving toward the next thing.

So when life finally slows down—even just a little—it can feel… uncomfortable.

Your kids grow. They don’t need you in the same ways. You’re no longer in constant survival mode. And instead of relief, sometimes what creeps in is restlessness. Even boredom.

You start looking for the next problem to solve. The next goal. The next thing to fix.

This is what I call living in “fix-it mode” or “future mode.”

Fix-it mode says: What needs to be better right now? Future mode says: What’s next? What am I working toward?

And while both of those mindsets have their place, living there all the time keeps you disconnected from your actual life.

The life that’s happening right in front of you.

I was putting my son to bed the other night, lying next to him while he asked for a story—something I know won’t last forever. Out of nowhere, he told me how much better it must be to be a parent. We get to drive cars, make money, make our own decisions.

I remember thinking the same thing when I was little.

And now? I catch myself thinking how nice it would be to not worry about money, or meal prep, or laundry.

It’s funny how easy it is to miss the moment you’re in because you’re always reaching for the next one.

If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change the path—but I would change how often I’m actually in it.

I would slow down enough to notice:

• the walks with friends

• the lazy mornings

• the weekend farmers markets

• the ordinary, good things that don’t need fixing

Because here’s the truth:When you’re wired for chaos, presence doesn’t come naturally. It’s a practice.

And it’s one that can change everything.

How to Step Out of Fix-It Mode and Into the Present

This isn’t about quitting your goals or lowering your standards. It’s about creating space to actually experience your life while you’re living it.

Here are a few simple, practical ways to start:

1. Notice when you’re mentally “somewhere else.”Pay attention to how often your thoughts are in the future or trying to solve something. Just noticing it—without judgment—is the first step.

2. Anchor yourself in what’s happening right now.Ask yourself: What’s actually happening in this moment?Not what needs to happen next. Not what went wrong earlier. Just right now.

3. Slow one routine down each day.Pick something simple—drinking your coffee, folding laundry, sitting with your child—and do it without rushing to the next thing. Let it be enough.

4. Resist the urge to “optimize” everything.Not every moment needs to be productive. Some moments are meant to be experienced, not improved.

5. Create small pauses in your day.Before you move from one task to the next, take a breath. Even five seconds of intentional pause can shift you out of autopilot.

6. Practice gratitude in real time.Instead of reflecting at the end of the day, try noticing something good while it’s happening. That’s how presence becomes real.

Slowing your thoughts and being present doesn’t mean your life becomes less meaningful.

It means you finally get to feel it.

And for many of us, that takes intention. It takes practice. It takes choosing, over and over again, to come back to the moment we’re in instead of chasing the one ahead.

Because the life you’re building?It’s already here.